


You Conduct Fear Like Electricity

by ucoa_space



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ALL THE NASTIES, Abuse, Author loves to chat in the Comments, Electrocution, F/M, I did NOT proof-read this, I hurt my boy, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Leave some, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Rating May Change, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault, Tea, The Author Regrets Everything, im so sorry, very much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 02:23:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12925296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ucoa_space/pseuds/ucoa_space
Summary: Jeremy relives the nightmares from the time he had a Squip. Luckily, this time Michael is visible and very eager to help him out.Jeremy's demons from Michael's point of view.ABANDONED WORK





	1. Please (Don't) Leave Me Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy has a nasty dream and it's a bad kind of nasty. Michael gets woken up brutally.

It was dark. Jeremy couldn't see a single thing. All he knew was he was lying on his back and he couldn't move an inch. His breath hitched - he really didn't like to not have control and it, oh no, oh no, no no no, it reminded him of--

"Jeremy~" called out a girly voice.

Jeremy whimpered helplessly, desperately trying to move. He needs to get out, he needs to run away, he needs to move again, to breathe again, oh  _fuck_ , he can't breathe--

"You can't get rid of me that easily~" said Chloe, appearing from the shadows, but Jeremy can also hear a different voice behind her words and were Chloe's eyes always this blue---

"N-No, get away, g-get aw-away! S-Somebody, any-anybody, help!" boys voice was shaky and horrified and he would cringe at the stutter, but now he just has in mind the girl that's getting closer and closer, no, no, no, is there even anybody that could hear him--

"It's for your own good, Jeremy~" and now there's three voices, his mother left because of him, he always knew that, and he's so sorry, just let him go, he doesn't wanna hear it---

"Because, honestly, everything about you is just terrible." and now the voices become the crowd as the forth one joins in, but Michael would never say that... unless he would ignore him and call him a loser, and Michael has every right to hate him, and he's right, because even Jeremy hates himself---

But Chloe made her way to him and now she's above him and her pointy nails pierce into his back, but instead of dull pain he feels electricity and now the voices are screaming out every reason why he deserves it and he's also screaming, because it hurts, it hurts, it hurts---

"NOOOO!"

* * *

 

Michael was always a light sleeper. Any soft, but sudden noise would wake him up. That's why he usually slept with his headphones on. Of course he changed his trademark to little and simple strings at night.

But the sleepovers with Jeremy were an exception. They usually fell asleep while talking anyway so he didn't bother with music, because, dude, it's rude to listen to music if your best friend is talking about those awesome fries he ate somewhere. It's obvious.

But there's downside to this. Because they slept in one bed since like forever whenever they had a sleepover, Michael wakes up immediately when Jeremy mutters to himself. He gets up into sitting position and still a little sleepy looks at the sleeping boy. 

His sleepiness is suddenly erased when Jeremy's mutter grows louder and louder until he basically screams:

"N-No, get away, g-get aw-away! S-Somebody, any-anybody, help!"

"H-Hey, Jeremy!" Michael figures it's time to step in. "Wake up!"

His friend started tossing and turning, grabbing the sheets tightly and screaming. Michael was simply terrified at this point.

"Jeremy!" he shook the boys shoulders.

"NOOOO!" Jeremy jolted up with hoarse shout, frantically looked around and finally laid his eyes on Michael. His lower lip trembled and he sobbed, clearly trying to choke it down. Then he did quite the opposite of what Michael expected - he scrambled away repeating soft "sorries" and "forgive-mes", scratching at his forearms. 

"Hey, hey, Jeremy. Look at me." Michael's heart broke a little, when Jeremy looked at him with tearful eyes, but he kept his voice steady. "It was a nightmare. Im here now. You're safe."

Michael made a brief pause.

"Is it okay if I hug you?"

Jeremy hesitated a little, which only deepened pain in Michael's chest, but after a moment he nodded, letting out a shaky breath. Bigger boy put him in a warm embrace, letting his best friend to drown his face into his tee shirt. They stayed like that for a while, before Jeremy stopped scratching his forearms and murmured suddenly:

"I don't deserve you."

Michael froze. He wanted to ask a million questions like 'what makes you think that?" or "don't you realize how great you are?", or "you do know i should be saying that, right?". But he let out just one.

"Do you need to talk about it?"

"I-I don't know."

"Well, do you _want_ to talk about it?"

There was a brief pause that made Michael think he pushed too far, but then Jeremy answered:

"I think I do."

"Let's settle in, maybe?" asked Michael. "On the couch I mean. I could make something warm to drink."

Jeremy nodded.

"Its gonna be a little long." he admitted. 

"It's alright."

 


	2. I Know We Should Talk About It, It's Just So Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys talk, Michael has shocks, Jeremy has crisis and i cry, have fun
> 
> TW: Panic Attacks, mantion of rape attempt, sexual assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for what I did

After they settled down on the couch with some tea, Michael looked expectantly at his friend. Jeremy traced the edges of the cup absentmindedly for a while before opening his mouth.

"I- Um, it happened at the Halloween party."

Michael bit his tounge to stop himself from saying that a lot of things happened at that particular party. It wouldn't help now at all.

"Be-before I went to the bathroom and met you,  there- there's been a situation." he looked into his tea as if looking for something, then suddenly put the cup down and put his face is his hands. "Oh my god, I can't do this." 

Michael could feel Jeremy panicking,  _hell_ , he could even hear it, because the thin boy started hyperventilating. An alarm in his head went off. He also put down his tea to have free hands in order to make calming down his best friend easier.

"Hey, hey, easy there. Can I touch you?"

The boy shook his head.

"Okay." he mentally sighed. It was really bad, wasn't it? "Think about the sea. Think about the sound the waves give out. It's quiet. There's nobody here but us. Dont worry." 

He paused.

"Nobody is going to hurt you."

Those words seemed to have the biggest impact on Jeremy. His breath calmed down and he uncovered his face to wipe his eyes.

Then the events took unexpected turn, because he reached to take his shirt off. 

"Woah, wosh, Jer, what-"

His voice got lost on its way across his throat, when Jeremy turned around to show his back.

It's been familiar. He's seen Jeremy without his shirt before, for example that one time when they were on vacation with his moms two years ago and they fooled around in the lake or when it was the hottest day of the year and they basically laid in the kitchen in their boxers only, too hot and tired to give any fucks.

But now it's been different. His back was covered in-- wait, are those scars?

His mind went off blaring red. He wanted to ask 'how? why? who?', but Jeremy answered his questions, before he got the chance to articulate them.

"The Squip electrocuted me when I was... misbehaving. It's the easiest thing to start off with, so-" his voice cut off, sounding wet.

Although Michael was mortified and angry, and scared, and guilty, and he wanted nothing but the world for this boy right now, he found courage to ask:

"What do you mean my 'misbehaving', Jeremy?"

His question was quiet, but it held so much weight in it, it sounded like a thunder.

"U-Um, well--, things slouching-" that's why Jeremy stood mostly straight these days and if he slouched, he almost immediately jolted and straightened his back... "- or keeping hands in my pockets-" ...and he actually noticed Jeremy prefers to keep his pockets empty... "-or simply not listening to him." ...oh my god, this I so fucked up.

"Is there anything else that fucking parody of Matrix did?" he groaned.

"Well, he said those, um, mantras that I had to repeat, like 'everything about you is do terrible'" what. "o-or, or 'everything about you makes me wanna die' and I-I repeated it so much it became a habit..."

How was Jeremy still alive after all of that?

"A-And you already know he could t-take over my body, because you ex-experianced it first-hand during the-the play. And he w-was able to, to freeze me so that I couldn't move!" Jeremy was louder now and panicked, frantic, grabbing his own hair tight just to feel some connection to reality. "A-And at the party he did it ah and then- then- then-"

Michael resigned from the idleness and simply threw his arms around Jeremy in the final act of helping him out.

Jeremy articulated the information softly and quietly and good thing it sounded so loud for Michael. because any gentle way of saying it just didn't fit.

"Chloe tried to rape me, Michael."

Michael is so going to kill Chloe Valentine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEND ME HATE YOU COWARDS


	3. Can't You See You Don't Deserve The Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is so gay guys  
> feelings ensure

Michael felt like something heavy hit him. Like someone dropped a brick on him from above. Like his best friend just told him he almost got--

He wanted to throw up.

He just kept on hugging crying Jeremy, kept on giving him the courage to go on. He placed a hand on his back and started rubbing it gently to soothe smaller boy's sobbing and whispered comforting words into his ear.

"It's okay, shh, it's alright" even if it's really not, its awful and he can't stand it, and he certainly can't let it slide. "So, when did that happen? Do you wanna tell me?"

Jeremy nodded and took a deep breath.

"H-Halloween party."

" _That_ Halloween party? Wait, that's what you tried to tell me in the beginning, right? Oh god, did that happen before or after we- met?"

"B-Before."

"This is so fucked up." Michael was straight up terrified. "Why didn't you tell me, Jer?"

"I-I was scared what you would think of my me and Chloe w-was drunk anyway, she probably didn't mean it, a-and I didn't talk to you for s-so long it would be a-a dickmove to jump in with my problems a-and-"

Michael moved away from the hug just to put his hands on Jeremy's shoulders and look in his eyes.

"Hey. Jeremy. Look at me." smaller boy's eyes stopped running to the side and fearfully looked back at him. "No matter what happened, happens or will happen between us, I am all open whenever you need help. And I won't ever think you're gross. Don't try to justify Chloe's actions and aspecially don't try to blame yourself, because I know you're doing it. I... It's going to sound so awful and inappropriate right now but... I love you, Jeremy. And I love you way too much to look at you torturing yourself like that."

It slipped. He wasn't ready to say it yet. His heart clenched with fear as Jeremy's eyes widened in surprise. He just switched on 'honest comforting' mode. He hid it for five years and now he fucked up. Great, Mell. You're out. Shit, Jeremy was still looking at him. Oh my god, oh shit-

"I-Is... Is it true?" asked a smaller boy in a high, nervous, disbelief-tinted voice.

No going back now, huh?

"U-Um, yes?" he looked away. Great, throw some more hard-to-process things on him, like he doesn't have enough problems yet.

"M-Michael."

The boy looked torn up, looking at him and biting his tounge. He took a deep breath and placed a quick kiss on Michael's lips.

 

 

 

 

What just happened?

After he menaged to fight off the blankness in his brain away, he pulled Jeremy close again and kissed him deeply, holding his face in his own hands.

He squeaked in surprise and oh my god Michael almost melted. But he needed to be sure Jeremy's fine with all of that, because, yeah. He can't think clearly, oh damn. 

"Is it alright? Because, you know-" he stopped only to be pulled into the kiss again.

Earlier Jeremy's hands were trapped between them, but now they were entwined around Michael's torso, pulling him into a hug and honestly, it was the most endearing thing Michael Mell has ever seen anyone do.

The kiss was sloppy - they both lacked experience and were a little too eager, so nobody would call it delicate or soft. But it was the most amazing thing Michael ever felt. He was suddenly weightless and it was only hum and Jeremy, and nobody else, no Chloe Valentines, no Squips, no fear, no insecurities. He would give anything to be in a state like that all the time and he would trade his own life for Jeremy to feel like that too.

They pulled away, breathing heavily and this is definitely the most beautiful Michael has ever seen Jeremy. Even still a little teary and a bit swollen lips, his shiny blue eyes, a small, shy smile he learned to love and pink-tinyed cheeks... hey, stop. He's so gay for this boy, oh my god.

"I c-can't believe you like me back, oh god." his voice was wet from tears, but Michael knew Jeremy and he also knew that those are tears of relief. He shushed his heart twitching at the words "like me back".

"Doesnt it feel wrong though? That kind of touch, I mean" it still bothered him, but Jeremy shook his head.

"I-I feel it's you." he said simply as he laid his head on Michael's shoulder. 

They say like that for a while; Michael leaning on the couch, Jeremy leaning on Michael. 


	4. Life Fucks Me Up I Am Really Sorry (A/N)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you explain yourself, you're fucking guilty" says the Author, writing the explanation.

So.

I kinda may have forgotten about this fic.

Then I looked at it.

And darn, the writing here is kinda terrible, you know?

So I'm officially  **hiatusing** "You Conduct Fear Like Electricity" for unknown amount of time to gather myself with my life, problems and life problems. I intend to possibly  _and_  probably rewrite the whole thing, so it has decent length and vocabulary variety.

The way I wrote previous chapters was rushed and honestly, from the amount of words gathered in  _three_ chapters, you could make just a _single_ decent one. It's horrible and I'll try to change it during my upcoming winter break.

So, as I said, I'm _officially_ hiatusing. It was on unofficial hiatus earlier, because it has been  ~~84 years~~ really long since I last updated.

Don't worry, I don't intend to delete it. And I also may write something else, some one-shots for other fandoms, who knows? I sure don't!

Have a nice day, fellas! I'll try to not keep you in the dark for too long!

 


End file.
